Despite my smart ass title, I admit to a great deal of sadness at the moment. Over the last year, I’ve been dating…I guess on and off (?) a great girl. However, at least for now, that chapter of my life has come to a close…and as always, there is a great deal of reflection I go through.

The first time we met, I was very attracted to her…to the point that I really didn’t know what to do. The previous year, for the first time in my life, I had just “fallen” for someone and that turned out very badly. I wasn’t quite certain I was ready for another relationship and after a few dates we went our own ways. A few months later, we reconnected and began spending time together…I didn’t know at the time but she, understandably, thought I was flakey due to my initial reluctance to date and I don’t know if she ever believed my reason.

Like me, she had come out of a relationship where she was betrayed and as such, was much less likely to give of herself and trust than I think is her norm. Which is a shame because although I have been fortunate to date some wonderful women who have put up with my shenanigans…I believe she might have the biggest heart of all of them.

During the course of our relationship, there seemed to be bad timing or misunderstandings that led to miscommunication or a disagreement that at other times would have been laughed off. In some ways, we are different and it doesn’t always help that we a both incredibly stubborn, independent, and strong willed…toss in both of us being a little bit emotional and intuitive and occasionally there were fireworks.

I know for all the times that people have seen me do incredibly nice things, that I can be selfish or callous…generally without meaning to do so on purpose. An example of this was my blog post about Puerto Rico. The trip and Puerto Rico were not bad in itself…as a matter of fact that only bad thing was the last restaurant we ate at! Haha. The difficult part of the trip for me was that we had an argument as we were leaving and as we arrived and in some ways, it hurt the trip.

Upset about our arguments, I chose to overlook the fact that the person I was dating had taken the time and effort to plan a surprise trip when she found out I hadn’t been on a “real” vacation just about ever. I also ignored that because the trip cost more than originally intended, that I was never asked to make up more than what I had originally told the trip would cost.

Perhaps my biggest regret is I never used my blog to focus on the good that was taking place in this relationship. There have been a LOT of great times…and I believe it is an unfortunate part of my nature…and perhaps human nature…that you tend to remember when you were hurt as opposed to when you were happy…even if you were happy much more than you were upset.

A large part of this was in my last relationship my blog was not appreciated by my ex…especially after I mentioned why we ended that relationship…and as such I tried to be very careful to for the most part avoid what was taking place in the personal part of my life…even as I fell in love with someone.

As with all relationships, I’m sure there were times when I was right and wrong…just as my better half was…but I genuinely regret not giving myself the chance to let go and just see what happened…but instead choosing to play it safe as I apparently was still wounded. Not very many people have ever been able to hurt my feelings with words but she has been able to…and truth be told it wasn’t the words per se…but the feeling that I had let this person I was in love with down…and they couldn’t see that hurt more than anything else…because I just wanted them to know that I saw so much potential in them…as my real estate partner, as my friend,  as a Mother.

I’ve very rarely regretted the end of a relationship…but I am truly sorry this one has run its course. I see so many missed opportunities that could have made a difference and in turn led to a different ending. I know it was a relationship between two proud people that at times was passionate and at times tumultuous. However it was also a relationship with someone I learned to trust completely and despite my mistakes I know I would never have abandoned my partner.

Life goes on and you have to trust fate or the Universe or God or whomever to guide  you to the correct decision in the end…whether that be time apart and healing together or learning from your mistakes and moving on.

I love the person I was with and I hope if nothing else she realizes how much I respect her for who she is and her accomplishments.