Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

Here’s a prime example of “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus”
offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix

The professor told his class one day:

“Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you
will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your
partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will
read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story
and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person
will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to
re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story
coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails
and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story
is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca (female) and Gary (male).
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THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn’t decide
which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl,
who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt
she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness
was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma
started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. ” A.S.
Harris to Geostation 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator.
“Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…” But before he
could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and
blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct
hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman
who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon
4.”Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,”
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why must one
lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.

Gary
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty
through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the
hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships
were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their
diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent,chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic
whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. “Oh,
shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F–KING
TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I’m such an air headed bimbo who reads
too many Danielle Steele novels!”

(Rebecca)

Asshole.

(Gary)

B*tch

(Rebecca)

F__K YOU – YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)

Go drink some tea – w*ore.

(TEACHER)
*A+ – I really liked this one.*

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