So it has been a while since I’ve had the time to write anything. Mainly this is due to being busy with…um…business but I have found a little time to relax.

Some people may find this disturbing but I’ve never taken an honest-to-God vacation in my adult life. I think this is a bit misleading for most people since I don’t live the 9-5, structured life that most do. If I want to work out in the middle of the day, I do. If I don’t feel like working one day, I don’t. However, I had never taken a real vacation.

The girl I have been dating the last few months LIVES for vacations and loves to travel. She was horrified to learn I just never “go places” and asked if I would take a vacation with her. I was a bit worried about this because to me we are still in the “figuring out” stage and there are some big differences between us. In all honesty, we were “disagreeing” the entire week leading up to and on several occasions during the trip. For now things have settled down but we will see.

Regardless, she asked if I would trust her to plan a trip within a certain budget and I said yes. I did not know where we were going as it was supposed to be a surprise. Our destination ended up being Puerto Rico.

The day of departure we left Ocala and headed to Orlando and started to experience quite a bit of trouble with my travel planners expedition. However we did make it to the airport. My companion reacted poorly to my usual phlegmatic reactions to things and I almost did not get on the plane things were so tense between us. Apparently she wanted someone who would be overjoyed about going on vacation and I was like, “ok…cool”.

The plane trip was fine and we landed safely in Puerto Rico after about a 3 hour flight where the adventures began. If I go on trips, I’m a planner. The girl I’m dating is not and actually left our car rental papers back in Orlando. We apparently had booked a vehicle through Charlie, which is Puerto Rico Car Rental Agency all over the island. This made my laugh hysterically as all I could think of was the Charlie the Unicorn cartoons (go to youtube if you do not know what I’m talking about).

Eventually I looked up a number on the trusty iphone and they told us Charlie was the same as Hertz. So we took the Hertz bus to the Hertz Station only to find out they were not Charlie. After about an hour of wasted time and Charlie not showing up despite repeated phone calls, my companion decided in a fit of anger to start walking down the road to the airport. Luckily, Charlie arrived about this time.

After picking up the car at Charlie, we were given directions on how to get to our hotel…the Dorado Hyatt. Unfortunately the not so bright people at Charlie gave us directions to the wrong Hyatt and we ended up in Old San Juan. Which we wanted to see…just not at that point in time. After driving in circles for an hour and my companion not listening to me and making the same mistakes repeatedly, I finally asked if I could drive.

A kind soul had earlier told us to follow the signs to Bayamon. So this is what I did and after 30-40 minutes of driving, we found the area we were supposed to be in and my co-pilot was able to guide us in the rest of the way to the hotel.

A note about roads and signs in Puerto Rico…

Puerto Rican roads are in very poor condition. Seriously…I think the roads in Russia were in better condition. You wonder why the speed limits are so low? It is because if you are doing over 35mph on the highways and hit one of the many potholes only slightly smaller in size than the crater left by the Tungaska meteor than you are fucked!

Another interesting note is about all road signs in Puerto Rico. They either:

1) Do not Exist

or

2) Dane (who sucks) Cook has a monologue about signs being covered by plants from the Cretaceous Era. Apparently he has been to Puerto Rico. Jesus Christ…you had to be within 10 feet of a sign to know it was a sign and then 2 feet away before you can read it. For the love of God…get some road crews out there people!

That being said, an interesting fact is that distance in Puerto Rico is measured in KM but the Speed Limit is MPH. A bit rough for math deficient people such as myself. Typical conversation in my head while driving…”ok we are 47KM from Dorado and we are going 60MPH so we should be there in…uh…ah…oh fuck this.”

It should be noted that Puerto Rican drivers are some of the nicest drivers I’ve ever seen. I never heard any horns in anger or frustration and people always let people get over or cut in at intersections. Apart from feeling like a rally driver in the rented Kia while dodging pot holes, the driving in Puerto Rico was wonderful.

That evening we dined at a restaurant near our hotel called La Terrazza where I experienced a wonderful local dish called Mofongo. I’m not certain how to describe it, but it was fantastic…highly recommended!

Check back soon for Hotel Stories and Adventures!