So on Thursday, my sister Karen rolls into town for a meeting and kindly agrees to bring me a vacuum. Now for those who have met Karen, you “get it” and for those of you who haven’t, the following warning/description will help explain the following story. Karen and I together (and to an extent Kim) only amplify each others already “anything goes” sense of humor. That being said, Karen may be the only person on the planet who can take things farther than I…which the soon to be told story will demonstrate. Now while Karen has a fantastic sense of humor, she has also been known to have a bit of a temper firmly placing her between this and this as the top three dead or alive creatures that you never want to piss off.

I agree to meet Karen for lunch at the Atlanta Bread Company which in my opinion sucks in comparison to Panera. Karen is running late so can’t do lunch and offers me a ride over to my car in order to unload the vacuum she has brought. In the SUV are two of Karen’s co-workers who I still have no idea who they were though one was kinda of MILFy. Upon getting seated, Karen asks, “Want to see my pigtail?”

Now Karen has traditionally worn short hair and my first thought is, “Your hair isn’t long enough to have a pigtail” quickly followed by “Isn’t pigtails plural?”

Karen then proceeded to poke me with a long, hard, pointy object about 14″ long while making rude comments about certain parts of my anatomy. She had a damn, honest to god, pig tail from a dead pig that had the bone sticking out and everything! Now to put this in perspective, I told Karen’s colleagues that I wasn’t surprised since when she was younger, she used to chase me around with cut off chicken heads.

The MILF made the mistake of asking, “Where did you get chicken heads from” to which I responded deadpan, “From a chicken of course!”. As Karen’s other passenger died of laughter, the MILF proceeded to beat me with a folder. After the commotion settled down, Karen drove me to my car, dropped off the vacuum, and that was the end of my excitement.

Note…I just spilled lite Italian dressing down my shirt and through my shorts onto my junk. It is cold. That will be all.

—————-
Now playing: The Prodigy – Breathe (Live)
via FoxyTunes