July 2nd, 2009 by kevin

Despite my smart ass title, I admit to a great deal of sadness at the moment. Over the last year, I’ve been dating…I guess on and off (?) a great girl. However, at least for now, that chapter of my life has come to a close…and as always, there is a great deal of reflection I go through.

The first time we met, I was very attracted to her…to the point that I really didn’t know what to do. The previous year, for the first time in my life, I had just “fallen” for someone and that turned out very badly. I wasn’t quite certain I was ready for another relationship and after a few dates we went our own ways. A few months later, we reconnected and began spending time together…I didn’t know at the time but she, understandably, thought I was flakey due to my initial reluctance to date and I don’t know if she ever believed my reason.

Like me, she had come out of a relationship where she was betrayed and as such, was much less likely to give of herself and trust than I think is her norm. Which is a shame because although I have been fortunate to date some wonderful women who have put up with my shenanigans…I believe she might have the biggest heart of all of them.

During the course of our relationship, there seemed to be bad timing or misunderstandings that led to miscommunication or a disagreement that at other times would have been laughed off. In some ways, we are different and it doesn’t always help that we a both incredibly stubborn, independent, and strong willed…toss in both of us being a little bit emotional and intuitive and occasionally there were fireworks.

I know for all the times that people have seen me do incredibly nice things, that I can be selfish or callous…generally without meaning to do so on purpose. An example of this was my blog post about Puerto Rico. The trip and Puerto Rico were not bad in itself…as a matter of fact that only bad thing was the last restaurant we ate at! Haha. The difficult part of the trip for me was that we had an argument as we were leaving and as we arrived and in some ways, it hurt the trip.

Upset about our arguments, I chose to overlook the fact that the person I was dating had taken the time and effort to plan a surprise trip when she found out I hadn’t been on a “real” vacation just about ever. I also ignored that because the trip cost more than originally intended, that I was never asked to make up more than what I had originally told the trip would cost.

Perhaps my biggest regret is I never used my blog to focus on the good that was taking place in this relationship. There have been a LOT of great times…and I believe it is an unfortunate part of my nature…and perhaps human nature…that you tend to remember when you were hurt as opposed to when you were happy…even if you were happy much more than you were upset.

A large part of this was in my last relationship my blog was not appreciated by my ex…especially after I mentioned why we ended that relationship…and as such I tried to be very careful to for the most part avoid what was taking place in the personal part of my life…even as I fell in love with someone.

As with all relationships, I’m sure there were times when I was right and wrong…just as my better half was…but I genuinely regret not giving myself the chance to let go and just see what happened…but instead choosing to play it safe as I apparently was still wounded. Not very many people have ever been able to hurt my feelings with words but she has been able to…and truth be told it wasn’t the words per se…but the feeling that I had let this person I was in love with down…and they couldn’t see that hurt more than anything else…because I just wanted them to know that I saw so much potential in them…as my real estate partner, as my friend,  as a Mother.

I’ve very rarely regretted the end of a relationship…but I am truly sorry this one has run its course. I see so many missed opportunities that could have made a difference and in turn led to a different ending. I know it was a relationship between two proud people that at times was passionate and at times tumultuous. However it was also a relationship with someone I learned to trust completely and despite my mistakes I know I would never have abandoned my partner.

Life goes on and you have to trust fate or the Universe or God or whomever to guide  you to the correct decision in the end…whether that be time apart and healing together or learning from your mistakes and moving on.

I love the person I was with and I hope if nothing else she realizes how much I respect her for who she is and her accomplishments.

June 21st, 2009 by kevin

I’ve always been a big fan of thinking about the future but as of late I’ve been questioning it a lot. Personally, I believe this to because I’m so close to one of my goals…but at the same time it is still very tenuous that it could happen. To be honest it is not about business only. Will I be a millionaire next year? Will I struggle? Am I dating the right person? Will I be with someone else. Should I stay in Gainesville? Should I go?

When it comes down to it, I realize I’ve come so far but I have yet to develop what I really want and that is Freedom. I realize I just want to wake up and do whatever the hell I want. I understand most people would like this and perhaps it is a bit unrealistic. However I’d love to roll out of bed and say, “Today I’m going to work on the car” or “I’m going to go workout and then do Kickboxing” or maybe even “I’m going to go to Vegas or eat in New York tonight.”

I realize that is a level of Freedom most people don’t realize but I’m close and but it can all disappear too which sucks…I can’t personally control every aspect of it and that drives me nuts. I’ve got the first rental property now which is a good start and starting to enter into talks on bigger and bigger web projects…I believe one will land at some point in time this year. I hope so…because even a 20k project will give me that leeway I need to pick up a few more properties and gain a little more breathing room.

Just have to stay positive about everything I guess!

June 9th, 2009 by kevin

So today started off great with an email from a friend informing me that an article about the toy company had made the front page of the Gainesville Sun. You can read the article here!

This afternoon I received a phone call from the largest accounting firm in the area who also has several other offices throughout Florida and Georgia. I was asked to speak in front of a large group of businesses and non-profit groups regarding web technology. This is a great opportunity to not only help people but to increase awareness of my business!

What a great day…I’m going to go play with my car some.

June 5th, 2009 by kevin

I am tired of my back being sore but I’ve learned some cool things from a LMT I am friends with. I find it fascianting that a back pain can be caused by an issue with a glute or that if you fix a muscle on one side of your body that you should correct it on the opposite side as well. Neat stuff and I should be back up to speed in abother 2 weeks. I am getting fat as hell however. =(

May 26th, 2009 by kevin

So this past Saturday I strained the crap out of my back. I was moving some heavy furniture and rearranging my living room. I tooka small break and then moved something light and my back went to hell. I did this a few years ago and  my good friend Cris gave me some Celebrex and I had one left…made things better for a little while.

Basically on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I could barely pull myself out of bed. Tuesday I drove around a little and managed to get a couple of errands done. The ladies at the 10Vox office were cute and laughed but felt bad for me and tried to mother me as I hobbled around hunched over.

Still some pain today but 110% better than I was the last few days. Should be better by the weekend.

May 20th, 2009 by kevin

Wow…been quite some time since I’ve posted anything…I need to stop slacking! It has come to my attention that some people think I’ve had a sucky on and off again relationship over the last year and might perceive that significant other in a negative light. I’d like to say that nothing is further from the truth.

For those who don’t know, Trish is a wonderful girl…hell she’s only the 4th person who has made it more than a year with me…that is saying something. Pertinent to some of my posts is that in some ways we are very similar. She has done everything on her own and has a great career. She is smart and funny and stubborn as hell. She also has a tough time depending on others. I’m sure anyone who knows me can recognize that I’m dealing with someone very similar to myself and when you add both of us being a little (haha) emotional…well sometimes we get upset over things we shouldn’t.

I know I’ve been guilty of this and my blog is from my perspective…so guess who gets to be right? Haha. Seriously though, she is an absolutely wonderful girl and since we have worked on our communication a bit, I’ve been very happy. I’m luck to have her in my life there is no doubt. =)

April 27th, 2009 by kevin

So…back in the early to mid 90’s there was a show called Highlander: The Series on TV. This was a spinoff of the Highlander movie franchise. I only managed to catch shows here and there but being the obessive compulsive type, I like to see things through to completion. This is why I still play video games I never was able to play 10 or 20 years ago and why I still know the single episode of Macross, Generation 2 that I never saw.

So…thanks to Hulu…I am currently watching an episode a night and rotting my brain with horrible acting and effects but damn I’m having a good time. After I make it through all the seasons of Highlander, I’m thinking it is time for Babylon 5!
Dorking out!

April 17th, 2009 by kevin

So…this entry would be about the two books I’m currently reading, one on relationships (insert Rush remark) and one of course on financial thoughts with a basis of defining your soul purpose and core values.

This entry could also be about the 4 or 5 hour text marathon with the ex today which…I don’t know what the purpose of was…I mean we are done as far as I know.

So around 9:30PM I get a text, “Hey it is Lindsay, we are in town for Lisa Kaplan’s (Goldstein) birthday. We are at the Swamp, come  hang out!”

Now as everyone knows, I believe the only person who dislikes hanging out with groups of highly intoxicated people in a close environment more than myself is Rush. In his defense, I believe he might be a little more shy where I just hate being around a group of people like that. I’m pretty much thinking of things I’d rather be doing.

So who are  Lindsay and Lisa? Lindsay is the younger sister of a Dee who was a classmate of mine in High School. She is also an Executive Producer for a TV station in Tampa. Lisa is the sister of one of my 4 best friends and the other half of the Yarmaluke Boy/Kielbasa Kid superhero duo Steve. I hadn’t seen any of these girls in like 10 or 15 years so I was excited to say hi!

Upon arriving at the Swamp I found out my buddy Drew was bartending and when he saw me walk through the door, a cherry coke was waiting for me by the time I hit the bar. I was ultra surprised to not only see Lisa and Lindsay but Lisa’s parents, Dr. and Mrs. Kaplan. Dr. Kaplan is one of the coolest mother fuckers of all time and was always willing to give me advice and share thoughts with me when I was in my late teens and early twenties. The type of guy that when I grow up (ha ha) I can emulate as a Father.

I can’t adequately express how happy I was to see the Kaplan family and find out how they were doing. Lisa is now married with twins and I met her husband for the first time. It was funny to listen to her relate how I used to throw her in the pool all the time when I’d go over to the Kaplans’s in High School and College. Lindsay as previously mentioned is now back in Tampa with her family. There were a couple of other people there but these were the important ones.

I stayed for about two hours until I couldn’t stand drunk college students on a Friday night anymore and headed home just in time to avoid turning into a pumpkin! If I was going to force myself to hang out at the Swamp on a Friday night, I couldn’t think of a better reason and I can’t wait to see some of the pictures!

April 7th, 2009 by kevin

So…most people who know me are aware that I live in a fx’er up house that has a bit of privacy and isn’t in the woods but has a rather verdant area surrounding my immediate yard. This of course leads to a variety of critters being observed on a daily basis from the beautiful hawk that frequents my backyard, to the crazy squirrel, to the raccoons.

Now the raccoons have always been cool…except for the time they stole my headphones out of the convertible but that was my fault for not closing the top. One raccoon in particular is a big fatty and he has been known to sit outside on my window ledges and watching TV with us. Cool.

What isn’t cool is that about a week or two ago, this raccoon decided to claw in through a hole in my roof I had patched and make a home in the attic. I repatched one hole but the son of a bitch dug another…so this time I REALLY patched both holes when I thought he was not home.

The night after doing this, I came home from the movies, walked into the living room, and sat down. I then proceeded to do one of those, “Did I just really see that?”

Sure enough, the cover to my attic was knocked down…something had entered the house from the attic. So I spent the next 10 minutes searching the house for a loose raccoon only to go into my bathroom and via my excellent Holmesian (Sherlock…not John) sleuthing abilities determine the raccoon had exited here.

This was largely due to the paw printsa all over my commode and wall and the tear in the screen of the bathroom window. Sonofa!

That was a couple of days ago and we have had no additional invasions so I think we are safe for now…that being said…I’m keeping Charlie close to protect me for the next few nights!

April 2nd, 2009 by kevin

So…this past weekend I attended the Baby Shower of my friends Matt and Melissa. In the last year, they have become some of my favorite people and I’m forever in Trish’s debt for introducing us. Both of them now help in some capacity part time with the web development company and their assistance is invaluable.

Speaking of Trish…I was kind of nervous. Due to travel schedules and disagreements we hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks and I know there were some hurt feelings on both sides. Trish showed up with her sisters’ son…Bradley aka Brocoli aka the kid who said I was bear…whom I love dearly. For me, it was a little uncomfortable seeing her at first but slowly we warmed up and talked a bit throughout the day. Eventually I took Bradley out on Matt’s Go Kart and we drove all over the dirt back roads for about 20 minutes and had a great time.

Trish and I grabbed dinner and ended up having a good day so we decided to hang out on Sunday for a bit as well. I have never been around someone where we can get along great one moment and then just have an instant of miscommunication and have it all go to shit….which happened Sunday.

She’s a great, great girl and when it is good, it is good but when we argue…it is bad…and painful. I hope there is a way to resolve this in a positive way, but I worry. For now we are going to not hang out for a while and give each other some space and see if we can reconnect or not in the future. The entire situation makes me sad. =(